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Niki Bergler  

Remove the Insecure Voice in Your Mind

The insecure voice in my mind is one of my sneakiest foes. We all have different characters depending on where or who surrounds us. Like chameleons, we can alter ourselves to blend in, at least as best as possible. When we are alone, our voices can get a little too loud.

We create the different sides of our personalities for multiple reasons: job professionalism, family gatherings, loneliness, hope, acceptance, etc. Jim Carey discussed this when he shared his discovery that “Jim Carey” is a character he learned to play.

The fun thing about having these different personalities or moods is that we get to be the stars of our show. When we feel we are playing a part, we feel in control of the situations around us.

But what happens when that mask comes off? When it’s time to leave the party or the unexpected conversation in which you overshared?

Insecure Voice: Why did I say it like that?

It’s fine; they wouldn’t have laughed if they didn’t like what you said.

But what if they laughed out of awkwardness or to be polite?

They didn’t; you were there, and both enjoyed your conversation.

But what if they walk away and think of our conversation later and completely misunderstand what I was saying?

Nothing works so hard to break us down faster than our insecurities. The only way to fight it is to let them go.

We are so caught up in trying to be like everyone else that any evidence to the contrary is overwhelming.  

Look around and see the same cookie-cutter houses, phones, cars, body enhancements, etc. So many scream, “Look at me,” but all look the same, so we don’t hear them. At the same time, anyone who looks different unintentionally provokes fear and hesitation.

It’s like we want to stand out and be different, but only if everyone else accepts it.

Because of this, many of us hear the voice in our heads repeating, what do they think? What will they say?

I have learned that there is a community out there for everyone. Some communities, I think we would all agree, leave us feeling uncomfortable, yet they exist.

You don’t have to alter yourself to fit in; you have to alter your environment to sift out those who don’t.

Life changes. You change.

A few years ago, I was considered a woman-empowered business owner making waves in the community. While I loved that life, I discovered a more fulfilling life (for me). I found taking less time to create my dream and more time co-creating a dream with my husband while cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our life to offer peace in ways I never imagined.

So, while I still work part-time at my business, most of my time is spent at home and fishing. As I am sure you know, this is not the current trend in our society, so how I am treated has changed.

And that’s ok because I changed.

Some will follow me on my journey; others will not. And though I may be feeling super insecure on my new path, I innately know that my community is still out there, and I will always have space here for anyone who isn’t just like me.  

A poster that reads “With Love, Niki”

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"She's Done Pretending is a permission slip. It's a permission slip for readers to step out of their abuses, heartaches, and abandonments...and step into the light of a better life. Bergler's story, although difficult to read at times, shines a light on one woman's story of perseverance and triumph over unbelievable odds. She uses her story to show us, the readers, that there can be "life after internal death." Through graceful writing and a fiery spirit, Bergler inspires us to see that life is what you make of it." - Sarah Krosschell

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